Of Mice and Sisters

So last Monday a field mouse invaded Dee and Melina's abode in Sacramento.  Dee went to soccer after screeching, panicking, calling the exterminator, and tasking the whippets and cats to deal with the furry grey invader...........yeah, right.  Cousin Mysty-fied was her usual self:

Thanks for all the help, Mysty!!!!  I don't recall ever seeing that dog in other than a prone position....The Lummox wasn't even around!!!!!!!!  Probably hiding in the bed.......Sight hounds indeed.  All they did was look at the scampering rodent---at least that's a good use of their singular talent........

So Sister Melina caught the beastie, outperforming two Whippets, a Sassy cat, traps, and exterminators.  She even got bit in the performance of her heroic duty!!!!!!!  (I won't comment on the "hello kitty" band-aid, I mean, really)........So Sister Melina, you are hereby awarded the Order of Anton Chico and inducted into the crew of the fearless Pirate Dogs.  Print out this ferocious picture and hang it on your 'fridge:  

And remember, the next time there is an emergency, call on a Chihuahua for results and let the Whippets take their nap.  Remember, a little "Weetz-itude" goes a long way!!!!!!!!

AAAAAHHH!!!!

Today is one of the best days in Clovis. Even though we were marooned at Bucksnort's with our cousins Seymour and Esmerelda, the olfactory pleasures we experienced when our parents picked us up were so wonderful. That delectable smell when we bundled into the car--like something roasted but not burned; something spicy and maybe wonderfully hot....And when we entered the house, it was all but overpowering, in a deliciously sensual way-----They had been to the Farmer's Market and gotten our supply of green chiles!!!!!!!!! If you've never smelt the delightful aroma of fresh roasted green chiles, we can only pity you. You haven't even made it up to a dog's life.......

The Pirate Dogs---'Roid, Leny, Weetz, and Bertequila

Feeling Like Lord Voldemort

Horcruxes----splitting the soul and storing the pieces in special places. Now according to Dumbledore and wizarding lore, this occurs with each killing by the creator of the horcrux---very dark magic. But is that the only way???????? Can't the soul be split by natural forces, like loving and longing??

Dad feels his spiritual place is Pecos, specifically the ruins of the ancient (did you know people settled there as early as 800AD???) pueblo, in the kiva-- Horcrux #1.

I've been with him on a pilgrimage to The Owl Bar and Cafe, home of the BEST Green Chile Cheeseburger in the world (and the green chile cheese fries too!!!)---#2.

Of course there's the Sacramento Valley where the kids and grand-kids reside----#3.

I know we Pirate Dogs are #4:

Now according to the books, the most powerful magic would be to have 7 horcruxes. We'll see what Dad does for the other 3.

Leny

Abuse

We Pirate Dogs were absolutely abused on Saturday. We were dispatched into the Nargle at 7:30AM and not released until 6:30PM. Good thing we were able to use the trans-warp drive and test the new phasers at any Klingon Kat that wandered into our sights. We had water and there were no "accidents".

When we were released, the alleged humans were all on about something called Pecos. Seems our dad really likes it there and they were all atwitter about some set-up with 2 houses with mountain views. I guess they would like to move there with Auntie Bucksnort and our cousins, Esmerelda and Seymour.

Here's a picture from the land the houses are on:

We're sure there'll be more said about this from our parents.

From the log of the CSS Nargle, Sirius date 61409, Midshipman Bertiquila recording.

(Note---Sirius is the "dog star." How else would we measure our dates???? Capt. 'Roid)

New Pirate Dog; Old Argument

Let's do the old argument first----There was a piece on BBC World News America this evening in which a gentleman from Oklahoma said the government was going to spend us to death and should just give the money directly to the people.  We've heard this since Paulson and W. started the TARP last year.  So, let's do the math---Let's say the government allocated $1-trillion to just be handed out to each person in the US.  That should really help us all out, right????  Well, $1-trillion divided by the population of the US, which according to the US Census Bureau population clock at about 6:00PM MDT on 5/14 stood at 306,429,317, is $3263.40 per person.  That'll go a long way to ending the downturn, won't it???  And I'm sure it would more than replace the income of those who lose their jobs as companies and local governments go bankrupt or default on payments.   

Now for the news-----We have adopted a new Pirate Dog.  Bertie, aka Roberto Fernando el toro perro, is a rescue from the local oxymoronic kill shelter.  I had wanted a chihuahua since moving here and this is as close as we have gotten, without paying a breeder.  El toro may have a little rat terrier mixed with the chihuahua but he's sooooo tiny he makes Weets look big.

In this picture he's lying in the hall next to a chip stick that's about as long as he is!!

He makes the percentage of male household members 30%.  The Captain has been slow to accept him, and Weets still hasn't. 

But the Captain is pretty mellow all the same as long as this newest crew member follows orders.

 The newcomer has bonded with First Mate Leny.  They even share chip turks and chip stix.  He's still a little too small to spend a lot of time in the Nargle however.

It's only been since Monday that Bertie joined us and he's already hassling Klingon Kats and learning the routines of life as a Pirate Dog!!!

Captain's Chronicles

Far more engaging than Sarah Conner is Emma the 'Roid and I'm sure the canine chronicles will be at least as amusing.

Emma 'Roid came into the house having been purchased from a NH lady who thought she was a breeder.  

The first time a vet looked at her, his comment was that she certainly had those "cock-a-poo knees."  Seems that one of the problems with the breed is a tendency for the rear legs to be weak and the knees all akimbo.  This certainly explains why 'Roid has to get a two-room running start to get up on one of the beds!!

She has dealt with that humiliation as well as the mental agony caused by an insensitive groomer who tried to take a pirate captain and make it too cute:

Yet through all the trials and tribulations, Emma perseveres.  Her accomplishments include supporting piracy around the globe with that fierce crew of Pirate Dogs whom she commands.  Note the looks of absolute intensity she projects from the bridge.

This is a dog who has guided her crew through the transformation from denizens of the canine seas to explorers of the galaxies, directing the transformation of the CPS Nargle into the CSS Nargle.  From her perch on the captain's chair she can survey the unfolding of space before her ship.

Truly, an inspiring figure in the canine pantheon and, despite all her accomplishments, still capable of begging for bone turks and looking as adorable as she can.........

All you Portuguese Water Dogs, eat your hearts out!!!!!!!!!!!!  All you Klingon Kats, be afraid!!!!!

Just What I Need!!!!

Followers of this blog know the story of Leny .  Well, today she really did it.  Auntie Bucksnort was pirate-dog-sitting and Leny decided to have not one but four seizures!!!!  The whole bit, stiff legs, drooling, even cut her face near the right eye!!!  So Buck calls me, I rush out of work, and meet them at the vet.  There are things that are important in life, like making a living, raising kids, and then there's the ULTIMATE PANIC---a sick dog!!!!  Let's be real here---pets replace children after the children hit a certain age and are moved out.

So now there's this dog hanging around after an afternoon in the vet's observation crate.  And what do you think the vet gave us for meds (to keep the animal CALM)???  How about Leny will be taking 20mg of Valium twice a day and 1.5 grams of phenobarbital every day!!!!  Like I said---just what I need---a laid back dog that just goes "wow" all evening......totally forgetting the "bow" part of barking!

Of course Capt. 'Roid is pretty sure this was all caused by a continuing imbalance between the phaser generator and the anti-matter nodes on the newly installed matter/anti-matter reactor engines still being fitted to the Nargle as it is transformed from an ordinary canine pirate ship to a space pirate dog starship..........

Pour Quoi????

An old friend asked me in our last phone conversation "So what's with this Pirate Dog thing? Where's that come from?"

Well, it's what they are, collectively.  Each has a unique story and their biographies have appeared earlier on this blog.  These dogs are each a misfit in their own way.  But as a refresher.....

The Captain was purchased from a Cock-a-poo "breeder (wink-wink)" in NH.  Mostly this person was some unskilled lady who thought breeding dogs a lucrative and easy profession.  So 'Roid came to us with some severe genetic issues.  As she has matured, she's evolved from being a Cock-a-poo with bad knees to a splay-footed chow hound who haunts the kitchen looking for handouts and sits leaning against the base cabinets with one of her rear legs jutting out at a 90-degree angle from her haunches.  She needs at least a 10-foot running start to jump onto the bed, which is a successful operation about 47.6% of the time.

Now the First Mate came to us from a shelter in NH.  Her official biography lists her as a rescue from a kill shelter in Ohio where she was imprisoned as an unclaimed stray.  And she still exhibits symptoms of the low self-esteem that can be produced by such mental trauma as being stranded and unclaimed by one's own family.  Leny meets her dad at the door each evening with a ball or chip-turk firmly between her teeth.  And such a ruckus---singing, whingeing, barking---all kinds of attention getting behaviors as would be expected from a traumatized and neglected child who has found a safe haven but insists on pushing the limits of her new found acceptance.

The Lookout is a NM native.  She was rescued from the local kill shelter.  She was surrendered from a town slightly west of here.  There was no official reason given for the placement of the dog there but we suspect it was "small dog syndrome"---she has a tendency to express herself with growling and threatening body language.  All of us have had occasion to be terrified of Weets when she gets in these moods.  It might also have had to do with her predilection for relieving herself on the dry floors inside when it's raining or wet outside.  Of course, a Schnauzer-Chihuahua mix that channels her maternal grandmother might also give one pause.....

So these three individuals, each with their own style and baggage have found a home together on the High Plains and a place of safety in the crate they've named the CPS Nargle.  A worthy crew joined by their circumstances and belief that being a Pirate Dog has benefits far beyond we poor humans' comprehension

After all, no self-respecting canine would ever name a pet extermination center a kill SHELTER.  To quote Captain 'Roid, "Talk about your basic oxymoron....."

How the Captain got her Name

First there was Red Rachel, later sister to Blue Leafy.  Leafy had to be put down because of the BIG C.  Rachel then despaired of her world and took a nosedive into one of those big Highway Dept. dump trucks.  Devastated, we searched for another dog.

We went to a shelter a couple of towns to the West.  There was a beagle-sized being there who sort of looked like, maybe, wishfully, hopefully, a Golden Retriever puppy.  But we wanted to check out another shelter by the Seacoast.  So off we went.  That first dog played on our minds and there wasn't anything we liked at the other shelter so we hastened west across NH to the original shelter, pulling up about 7 minutes before closing and announced we'd take the beagle cross.  Of course the volunteers there were just thrilled to have to do an hour or so of paperwork.....But we took her home.

Turned out the dog had been returned from a failed adoption the previous day.  And she didn't have any Golden in her--- just about everything else!!!  She was part Beagle, German Shepherd, Collie, and Lab.  She had a tannish-reddish coat and wasn't very big.  As a matter of fact, she remained on the small side her entire life---beagle-sized.

She proved to be an outstanding animal and we named her Hannah.  She was loyal and great with family members.  But she hated strangers.  One of our son's friends never could get into the house without a frenzy of growling, barking, and gnashing of teeth from Hannah.  Unless he got down on his knees so he'd be HER size---then there would be peace.

We had some very good friends and we'd alternate dinner and a movie/video at each other's houses on a semi-regular basis.  The hosts provided the movie and dinner;  the guests, dessert and wine.  Well T's specialty was carrot cake---absolutely scrumptious.  But something about it stimulated Hannah.  The dog would just stand in the kitchen pointing at the carrot cake on the counter.  God Himself couldn't help any cat or other creature who strayed by and got between Hannah and that cake dish.....

So what's all this got to do with the Captain? Well might you ask-----It was Hannah who gave the Captain her moniker. My wife liked Hannah but the dog was a little too aggressive and growly for her taste.  She longed for a dog with the mild temperament of Pete, the Cocker she grew up with.  So one summer's day after school was out and I was at work, she drove to a town north of us after responding to an ad in the newspaper.  There she met a woman who bred Cock-a-poos.  She found a curly-haired black bundle and wrote a check for the dog.  She brought it home and christened it Emma.  Now it being around the time that Dodge had decided to re-introduce America to the Hemi engine, everyone was talking about "Yeah, it's got a Hemi."  So it wasn't much of a stretch to nickname Emma "Hemi".  

Now Hannah, the  famously infamous "tan dog", took some exception to this simpering puppy following her around and generally being, in Hannah's opinion, obnoxious.  So, by simply adding a couple of syllables to  her nickname of "Hemi" that described an ailment of the posterior, Hannah changed it all and Emma became "The 'Roid".  Soon after this renaming, Hannah succumbed to the BIG C and Emma was able to assert herself a little.  But it took the adoption of Leny, the move to NM, and the acquisition of the final Pirate Dog, Weets, to enable her to become the Captain.

And the rest is blog-istory.............. 

Westminster

Can you believe it??  This is the winner of the 2009 Westminster Dog Show which just concluded:

This is Stump, a Sussex Spaniel called out of retirement at 10 years old to suffer humiliation at the whims of its owner and handlers.  Poor animal probably lives in a crate and then has to perform on demand.

Real dogs don't do the Westminster Kennel Club.  We do real things, like growling:

And of course, pirating:

So next time you think about dog shows, remember there's show dogs and real dogs.  After all, I was an unwanted stray from Ohio and my crate's a Canine Pirate Ship.  I wouldn't trade the Nargle for all the "best of breeds" in NYC.  Besides, why weren't there any Sharpradors entered??

Love you all,

Leny

(with help from our Dad)

Pets of Pets

Soquita Monkita has no face:

To make a short story long........

Soquita is Leny's pet.  Readers might hearken back to last Thanksgiving's trip to CA.  We visited our daughter's family---the two whippets, Mystified and the Lummox.   This is the Mystyfied dog:

The Lummox had a sock monkey.  Leny, being the dominatrix she naturally is, appropriated said toy.  It was an obsession.  Leny took the thing everywhere, even to bed when it was time to retire.  The Lummox could only hope we left soon and he got his monkey back.

Being doting parents, we thought it would be a good idea to get each of the Pirate Dogs their own sock monkey.  We found a website and procured three of the little cuties:

Of course, being independent Pirate Dogs, Captain 'Roid and Crow's-Nest Weetzie wanted absolutely nothing to do with these stuffed atrocities!!  The First-Mate remembered the joy of the monkey from CA and took to hers immediately, christening it Soquita Monkita.  Leny loves Soquita:

Of course doggy love means Soquita has lost much of her stuffing, her voice (squeaker), and, as the opening sentence states, her face.  Since dogs don't have opposable thumbs and therefore must rely on their mouths to carry around things, a little (not to Soquita) damage is inevitable.  Fortunately, perched among the Penguini and with the Dia de los Muertos gent atop the bookcase in the master bedroom reside Soquita's siblings who can replace her if and when that time comes.

As for Soquita, she has reworked the song from an old commercial originally done by Walt Disney:

"I'm Soquita Monkita and I'm here to say

It's hard being the pet of a Pirate Dog all day..."

It's such fun having Pirate Dogs!!!!