Of Pirates and Pagans

So the only religious goods store near us is in the Village of Old Greenwich. For the number of Italians and churches in southern Fairfield County, you'd think there would be hundreds. But no, just this one.

We were on a mission to get a St. Joseph statue. Not only is he the father of the savior but according to the old French Catholics in northern New England, he's the patron saint of successful real estate transactions as well. Meaning you gotta get a statue of St Joe to sell your house!!!

So we went into this shop. And the salesperson cheerily greeted us, inquiring as to what we sought. Upon our reply that we were looking for a statue ("No statues here") of St Joseph----"Are you selling a house? That's what most people want those for--pagans!!!!" we promptly regrouped and, St Peter-like, denied that a real estate sale was our goal. We actually went so far as to agree about this barbaric practice, telling her that we heard that the figure must be buried head down facing the structure in the back yard. Not that we would EVER condone such an action....

She offered medals of St Joseph, after all a likeness of St Joseph was a likeness of St Joseph regardless if it was a medal or a statue. But we demurred. I had to think quick, didn't want to be appraised as a pagan by this purveyor of sanctity. I insisted that we needed a statue. It seemed that my 96-year old aunt had had a statue of St Joseph on the mantle for years and decades. And the unthinking new cat she had recently received as a pet had ascended the mantle and with a swish of the tail had deposited the artifact onto the floor, shattering it into pieces. Hence our quest for a statue and it had to be a statue. You know how old Italian aunts can be so set in their wishes and desires......Then we beat a hasty retreat as the salesperson god bless, 96 years olded us out the door.

Captain's Chronicles

Far more engaging than Sarah Conner is Emma the 'Roid and I'm sure the canine chronicles will be at least as amusing.

Emma 'Roid came into the house having been purchased from a NH lady who thought she was a breeder.  

The first time a vet looked at her, his comment was that she certainly had those "cock-a-poo knees."  Seems that one of the problems with the breed is a tendency for the rear legs to be weak and the knees all akimbo.  This certainly explains why 'Roid has to get a two-room running start to get up on one of the beds!!

She has dealt with that humiliation as well as the mental agony caused by an insensitive groomer who tried to take a pirate captain and make it too cute:

Yet through all the trials and tribulations, Emma perseveres.  Her accomplishments include supporting piracy around the globe with that fierce crew of Pirate Dogs whom she commands.  Note the looks of absolute intensity she projects from the bridge.

This is a dog who has guided her crew through the transformation from denizens of the canine seas to explorers of the galaxies, directing the transformation of the CPS Nargle into the CSS Nargle.  From her perch on the captain's chair she can survey the unfolding of space before her ship.

Truly, an inspiring figure in the canine pantheon and, despite all her accomplishments, still capable of begging for bone turks and looking as adorable as she can.........

All you Portuguese Water Dogs, eat your hearts out!!!!!!!!!!!!  All you Klingon Kats, be afraid!!!!!

Conflicted

So los perros piratos are having trouble tonight---feeling very conflicted.  While they root for the poor and disenfranchised Somalians who have turned to piracy to survive, the incident of the Maersk Alabama, an American flagged and crewed freighter, has caused pain and uncertainty.  If the people of Somalia can only survive by plundering the high seas off the Horn of Africa,  the Pirate Dogs believe they deserve support.  But attacking American vessels makes the canines feel unpatriotic if they root for the pirates.  

In inimitable dog fashion, however, los perros have a solution.  The rich world needs to subsidize Somalia with aid and investment to allow the people of that failed state to rebuild their country and have options for survival and advancement that would make piracy moot.

Next, perhaps these fine specimens of canine intellectualism will turn their attention to Sudan and Darfur.............

Westminster

Can you believe it??  This is the winner of the 2009 Westminster Dog Show which just concluded:

This is Stump, a Sussex Spaniel called out of retirement at 10 years old to suffer humiliation at the whims of its owner and handlers.  Poor animal probably lives in a crate and then has to perform on demand.

Real dogs don't do the Westminster Kennel Club.  We do real things, like growling:

And of course, pirating:

So next time you think about dog shows, remember there's show dogs and real dogs.  After all, I was an unwanted stray from Ohio and my crate's a Canine Pirate Ship.  I wouldn't trade the Nargle for all the "best of breeds" in NYC.  Besides, why weren't there any Sharpradors entered??

Love you all,

Leny

(with help from our Dad)

Of Pirates and Spinners

Captain 'Roid is really pissed off. When last seen, the intrepid Captain was begging her mother to make a new flag for the CPS Nargle proclaiming the "End of the United Nations." According to a report on tonight's BBC America newscast, the UN has signed some declaration allowing countries to pursue the pirates onto Somalian land. Now admittedly, Somalia is a failed state and its sovereignty is open to debate. But to allow other countries, including Iran, China, Great Britain, and the US (talk about politics and pirates making strange bedfellows!!!!) to invade in pursuit of the pirates?? Hopefully all those military men will review Blackhawk Down before doing the same foolish thing.....And why does the US, beacon of religious freedom and defender of the right to democratic processes, so fear an Islamic government in Somalia?? Isn't Islam one of the "Great Religions" alongside Christianity, Judaism, Taoism, Buddhism, etc?? Or is all this "Islamic terrorists are radical extremists" just a smoke screen and the US is really at war with Muslims-----shades of Richard the Lion-Heart and the Crusades...........

Do you remember The Spinners from the '70's and that massively "great" song "Rubber Band Man"?? Actually, I detest that song but all the "oldies" stations seem fixated on it.

But those aren't "the spinners" I'm writing about. I'm thinking about the auto-bailout/union busters and whether the Kennedys are more deserving of power as a dynasty than the Clintons, if MSNBC be believed.

GM and Chrysler are doing worse than Packard did in the 1950's. They hemorrhage cash, blowing through billions a month. Their management has been about as in tune to the needs of the average buyer and the concerns about the deleterious effects of automotive emissions on the decaying of the Earth's atmosphere as Bush and Cheney have been to telling the truth about Al-Qaeda in Iraq, let alone the total misinterpretation of the WMD intelligence.
Now, depending whom one reads, we are either headed for, or are already in, the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression. The government has bailed out the financial fat-cats but balks at doing the same for the auto-making fat-cats. The problem is that there are a lot of not-so-fat-cats that would be a lot more hurt by the death of the Big 3. About 1 in 10 American jobs is tied to the auto industry---from parts providers to transportation firms to the workers at the car plants themselves. If we want to see Great Depression type unemployment numbers (like around 25%), then let's allow the Big 3 shut down and add that 10% who lose their jobs to the present 11% without jobs. (I realize the current "official" unemployment rate is about 6% but that does NOT include part-time employees who'd like full-time jobs or those who have stopped trying to find work. That number is over 11%.) That's 21% unemployment. Wouldn't take many, if any, more Citibank job cuts to put us well over that 25% threshold.

But some Senators blame all the failings of the auto industry on the wage disparity between the union workers up north and the non-union laborers in the foreign plants south of the Mason-Dixon line. Taking a real crisis and scapegoating people who will lose their livelihoods to avoid taking action while changing the focus of the argument to something totally non-related is major SPIN!! Even if a UAW member makes $71.00 an hour, that's only $150,000/year!!! And that's nowhere near what an executive at either an auto maker or a financial firm makes!!!! As a matter of fact, it's 1.5% of the 10-million dollar paychecks and bonuses common in executive suites or a Major League Baseball locker room. So let's not blame the union. Deny the bail-out if you don't think management can turn around these companies but let's stop the b.s.

So Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg threw her hat into the ring for the US Senate seat formerly warmed by former first-lady Hilary Clinton (all this assumes she gets confirmed for Secretary of State and resigns). Caroline has a lot going for her. First, her maiden name is Kennedy. She's the only surviving child of JFK and Jackie. She's a major upgrade in looks from Mrs. Clinton and I think she's also better looking than Sarah McPalin (remember her??). So give her the job already. But first we need to watch interminable hours of every Clintonista with an axe to grind and all the MSNBC "analysts" and commentators who need to justify their salaries since the election is over stir up controversy. Who cares if Andrew Cuomo is divorced from one of Caroline's cousins?? What possible effect does it have on her qualifications for the Senate, which are about the same as Hilary's when she was first elected----a member of a family that was in the White House as well as being a lawyer. And Caroline even had a pony at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!!!!
So enjoy "Rubber Band Man" when you hear it and wish we only had to deal with the musical Spinners instead of the bozo spinners masquerading as learned gentlemen. Hang on to your money and hope January 20 comes faster. But keep your shoes handy just in case...........

Somali Pirates

I know Capt. 'Roid has been very excited about the Somali Pirates. I also realize not everyone is as into pirates as I am, living with the Pirate Dogs. So here is an article from the Nov. 20 issue of The Economist together with a link to the complete article with graphics:

AHOY THERE!
Nov 20th 2008

The pirates of Africa's most failed state get ever more ambitious, and dangerous

TO BOARD the SIRIUS STAR, one of the world's largest oil tankers, Somali pirates had to haul themselves up ropes tied to grapnel hooks the height of London's Big Ben, with the 330-metre (1,100 feet) long ship pitching all the while in the tropical swell. Then there was the location, way out in the high seas, fully 450 nautical miles off the coast of Kenya. The feat of vertiginous thuggery will be taken everywhere as proof of what is possible; it was the biggest ever catch by any pirate, anywhere in the world.
As if to underline the point, the tanker's capture on November 15th, with $110m of crude oil bound for America, was followed by several other hijackings by Somali pirates, including a Thai tuna boat, a Turkish chemical tanker, an Iranian freighter loaded with wheat and a Greek bulk carrier. Against this, an Indian warship, the INS TABAR, reported that it had blown a Somali pirate "mother ship" to smithereens in retaliatory fire on November 18th. Warships from several countries now patrol the Somali coast.
Taken together, the attacks increase the threat against merchant shipping to levels not seen since the second world war. Every tanker using the Gulf and every freighter using the Suez Canal is now a potential pirate target, no matter what course they navigate or how big they are.
As a nascent and profitable industry in a failed and starving state, the Somali pirates will not lack for recruits. A share in a ransom translates into an easier life of meat and honey; not just pirate parties but a beautiful bride, a camel, a home, even a car. Conversely, the ransoms mean higher insurance premiums for the rattled shipping industry, delays for customers as more ships choose the longer passage around the Cape of Good Hope, lower revenues for the Suez Canal, and for the oil markets yet another variable to work into already volatile prices. Piracy will be bad news even for Somalia, accelerating the Talibanisation of the south by armed Islamist groups as more secular-minded gunmen abandon their poorly paid defence of Mogadishu for adventures at sea.
As THE ECONOMIST went to press, the SIRIUS STAR had dropped anchor off the Somali pirate port of Haradheere. There it joined a dozen or more other vessels, all anchored at ransom, their crews, about 250 people in all, held at gunpoint. Among them is the MV FAINA, a Ukrainian freighter captured in September with a cargo of tanks almost certainly bound for south Sudan (with Kenyan government help). Ransom demands for the FAINA have dropped from $20m to $8m since it was surrounded by American and Russian warships, but there is still no agreement on its release. The pirates are likely to ask in excess of $30m ransom for the SIRIUS STAR.

See this article with graphics and related items at http://www.economist.com/displaystory.cfm?story_id=12650244&fsrc=nwl

Pirates Redux

So some Indian Man-of-War zapped a Somali pirate "mother ship." Do you believe this stuff??? They actually had a meeting in the White House---W and the National Security Council---to discuss these high seas hijackings. And some Pentagon spokesman had a press conference and said it was incumbent on shipping companies to provide their own protection, like hiring armed security contractors. So our government can no longer protect our interests on the high seas from SOMALI PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!! The level of incompetence just gets more astounding daily. No wonder the economy resembles a Russian nuclear reactor.
January 20 cannot come soon enough.

Bail---in or out????

How about them Somali Pirates?????????? 12 ships in 7 days from an area of the ocean patrolled by the US Navy, Her Royal Majesty's Navy, the EU, the Emirates, and Kingdoms of the Gulf!!!! YeeHAW!!!!!!!!!!! The Pirate Dogs hope they get to keep their loot and that they use it to improve the standard of living in the Horn of Africa, one of the poorest and most badly governed places in the entire world.
I need to correct the last post---There were a couple of inconsistencies in the sources. Apparently the ship was taken in the Gulf of Aden and is now anchored in the Indian Ocean some 450 miles from Mombasa, Kenya. Capt. 'Roid apologizes for the misinformation.
Now that the Somalis have bailed out their ships, how about the bail-out in DC of the BIG 3? I thought this was a capitalistic nation, not a welfare state. If I ran my business with as little forethought and lack of planning as that exhibited by the CEOs of the Detroit mega corporations, I'd deserve to be fired or run into bankruptcy. Now I fully appreciate that we cannot allow the auto industry to go the way of the airlines. There's always places to go and someone to take the risk and fly there. No sane person would buy any major asset from a company in Chapter 11. Cars last years and anyone purchasing one wants to make sure he can keep his investment on the road. But a free ride out of their hole is the last thing we should support as taxpayers or citizens.
I believe that successful people should get the fruits of their hard work. And executives who can't formulate a decent forward-looking business plan should go back to the business correspondence school they came from for a refresher course.
Memo to our representatives----
NO BAILOUT!!! No LOANS to the auto Industry without STRINGS!! WE THE PEOPLE need to see how OUR money will be used to sustain the industry and IMPROVE the performance of its products----MORE MPG, MORE environmentally friendly, NO MORE loans or taxpayer dollars after this ONE time.
After all, if a bunch of Somali pirates can outperform the navies of the allegedly advanced economies, our congress, senate, and captains of capitalism should be able to give us some bang for our buck in a car that gets 50-plus MPG, is safe and fun to drive.
Let's get our people in WaWa DC this message!!!!!

Pirates

I noticed some weird things on the computer over the week-end. The Captain seemed very excited and the rest of the crew could barely contain themselves. It wasn't until I caught the news on NPR's All Things Considered this evening, reinforced by the banner running along the bottom of the screen on MSNBC, that I saw the light.
America prides itself on its Armed Forces. But perhaps we now have an incident that is definitive proof that WE ARE STRETCHED TOO THIN!!!!!

Right under the Navy's nose, 450 miles off the coast of Mombasa, Kenya, in the Gulf of Aden, the Somali Pirates have struck again. This time an Arabian tanker with 2million barrels of oil worth about $100million. Apparently the freighter strayed off the recommended and well patrolled shipping lanes. "Gotta hand it to those Somalis", said Capt. 'Roid. "They got gigantic brass cajones!!!!!!!" The captain of the Pirate Dogs also wished their compatriots a fair wind and hoped they might dip their beak in any profit the venture realized.

Happy Halloween

Today I saw a sign on a church advertising a "Festival of Lights" for the evening of October 31. I'm sure my conception of this is very different from theirs. My ideal would be all these kids dressed in costumes carrying flashlights or lit up pumpkins throughout the neighborhood where all the windows have illuminated Jack-o-Lanterns or glow-in-the-dark black cats or witches...... cackle cackle.... boil and bubble, toil and trouble..... wingardium leviosa. Please can I have some extra candy????

But this is a special time of year for the denizens of the CPS Nargle. Obviously they can't have chocolate and too much sugar is worse for their teeth than for the average kid. But they get excited none the less.

Captain 'Roid has been plotting in the Nargle about vengeance on the cats. Her musings are interrupted whenever anyone goes into the kitchen, however. The Captain is the original chow hound. You can see from her face she just was giving orders ending in "ARRRRGH". Just look at that scowl!!!! Lord help whichever cat she has decided to take action against.

Now First Mate Leny has just returned from her patrol of the perimeter of the yard. Her primary duty is to bark and hassle any travelers in the alley behind the house. She also keeps a wary eye out for any stray cats who happen by. Her favorite prey is Skippy-Kee who loves to tease and run. But have you ever seen a cuter pirate dog?

Lookout Weetzie keeps both eyes peeled for trouble, especially in the form of joggers or walkers in front of the house. Her assignment is to nag the First Mate until the latter goes to the window and acts ferociously enough to deter any passers-by. Even though Weet's right eye doesn't look all that clear in the picture, she doesn't miss a trick---or treat.

After all, isn't that what this holiday is all about?????????? So be generous, especially if these three come to your door:

Happy Halloween from the Pirate Dogs. Remember, they love you and a little treat goes a long way----Trust me, you don't want their "TRICKS."

Someone Please Tune In the Picture

I see more ads for Ditech mortgages (from GMAC) and GMAC Bank than I see for GM cars. So GM is now earning more from the financial sector than from manufacturing?

We owe ever more to China and India, and the petro-dollars we send to the Gulf of Arabia are now being used by Gulf countries' sovereign wealth funds to shore up our banks!!

The Economist magazine, hardly a left-wing publication, stated "The financial-services industry's share of total American corporate profits rose from 10% in the early 1980's to 40% at its peak last year. By one calculation, profits in the past decade amounted to $1.2 trillion more than you would have expected." And this was from the Sept. 20, 2008 edition, before the meltdown Monday, Sept. 29!!!!

Tie these items together and it's easy to see why the US is well down the road to being a second class power. Financial engineering has replaced real engineering. Anybody else think this picture needs adjusting??

On a more hopeful note, Captain 'Roid has been following with interest the saga of the freighter that the Somalian pirates captured. Seems there's about $40 million worth of old Soviet tanks and artillery aboard. It was headed for Kenya. The Somalis want a $20 million ransom for it. Our captain would love a share of that money to help her parents retire, but the gleam really comes to her eye when she thinks about her and the rest of the Pirate Dogs sailing that ship up the Potomac, taking over Washington, and helping all of us........................

The Captain's Latest Plan

What a week!!!! Financial melt downs, bail outs, campaign peccadilloes, yuck!!! But the Pirate Dogs have a new plan for us------ Monday we were watching The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC. Usually the crew pays attention when dogs appear on screen but that insipid Purina One commercial with that overly compliant and obviously dim-witted Retriever-type dog makes them ignore the tv. But the story that followed the ad, that's another story. Captain Roid perked right up as Rachel related Google's plan to green itself up by moving some, if not all, of its computer centers to barges in the ocean. The reasons she cited for this action were reduced costs (hence more profit) in real estate taxes and upkeep and using water to cool the computers which should enhance the company's greening up image. But what drew the attention of the Captain was one of the possible downsides of the plan. Ms. Maddow talked about weather disasters such as hurricanes being a hazard to the barges. She also mentioned pirates as a potential hazard. The Captain then proceeded to the Nargle and came up with her plan---taking over Google!!

Imagine----you or your child searches for information on computer chips. Normally you would find a picture like this:But instead, since the Pirate dogs now control "The Google", you get their interpretation of your search parameters---Chip Turks (otherwise known as rawhide flips), of which they have a treasure chest full:

Going to the doctor, or searching a site like WebMD for information on your skeletal malfunctions normally would lead to something like this--
But our crew of buccaneers has taken over and their image is of their favorite treat: BONE-turks:
Finally, your fourth grader needs to do research for a civics paper, the topic is agriculture, and she googles wheat. When the servers were land based, she'd probably have gotten an image like this:

But after the takeover the monitor displays a portrait of Crow's Nest Weetzie!!!!!

So good luck to Google and all its users if they go ahead with their offshore plan. And happy (belated) talk-like-a-pirate day from Capt. Roid, First-mate Leny, and Crow's Nest Weetzie!!!

"ARRRGH!"

MISSING

Skippy Kee is missing. She never came home Thursday. Being good parents, we posted her picture and info on community sites, hung pictures and contact info on all the nearby dumpsters, and notified the local animal control people and veterinarians.

Then it hit me. I was grilling a couple of burgers on the deck when I espied the Pirate Dogs lurking by the back gate. A closer inspection revealed a long and narrow board concealed near where it could be perched on the stockade fence and the storage shed--a PLANK!!!!! Shades of the "Black Pearl".

I immediately confronted the Captain of this crew. And in true pirate fashion she obfuscated and prevaricated, giving me no information whatesover--just growling, barking, and finally, silence with an innocent and coy expression on her face. But deep down, though it may never be proved, I know the truth. Witness the similarity of expression between the Captain of the Pirate Dogs on the left and Capt. Jack Sparrow on the right.



Can there be any doubt?????

Pirate Dog Song Help

There are 3 pirate dogs. I'd like your help with their theme song. Done to the tune of Bob Marley's Redemption Song I came up with the first 2 lines:
"Three Pirate Dogs they rob I
Take the food and all the chips"